Brave New World

Hmm...

Pop culture in recent years is a little concerning. On one end, you have MTV marketing heavily towards a much younger audience. Companies figured out that children (unlike college students) have access to a lot of their parent's money. Yet, instead of going in a direction of traditional "children's content", MTV is really getting racy. Downright headonistic. This isn't just MTV either.

Looks like Brave New World coming true.

Don't get me wrong. When most people say, "the sky is falling! whatever happened to classic values? society is degenerating!!!", I can shrug it off. Those people are wrong! There are people in each generation who start getting old and proclaim everything is going to hell. This happens continually and is not a new phenomanon.

Still, selling sex to kids is troubling.

Happy Anniversary!

Heh

It's almost July 4th.

It's been a rough year for me. Even the last half out here in San Diego. I'm having a lot of trouble adjusting. I guess it's hard for me to start up a new life here.

I'm very hopeful though. Really looking forward. A while ago I was pretty bummed out that I hadn't been doing so well. Things are looking up though. I guess not so much but at least my outlook is.

It's tough sometimes though. I still think about Ali a lot. Not like I used to but in weird ways. For instance I'll notice something and think that she would like it or a place/activity that would be fun to go together. It just kind of comes to me. Then I realize that part of my life is over. I'm not sure how to feel about that.

I think that was a great experience but I feel like I should resent thinking of Ali. I still think the world of her and it kills me.

Still, at the same time I'm getting comfortable out here. I wish I knew more people though. I guess important lasting relationships don't just come along all the time though. Makes me value my friends and family. People don't just fall into your lap either though. I really need to start meeting new people here. It's hard though. That is just outside of my routine. I don't have anyone to go to bars with plus I'm so outside of my element there anyway. I mean being at a bars with friends is ok but I'm not comfortable with new people there. I need to just start taking risks and putting myself out there. Any ideas?

My life is starting to come together though. I'm getting a bit more grounded. Need to get a social life though. Oh yeah - not bomb my classes either...

Oh well :-)

I'm a special person ;-) In a way I'm like a joke or some sort of physical contradiction.

It took a very long time for me to realize that comparing myself to others makes no sense. No matter how others may be, it really doesn't have anything to do with how I am. Let me elaborate. For instance in high school a lot of kids had a great time. They might have been popular and partied and dated a lot, etc... Well for me high school was probably the worst time in my entire life. Looking back that was kind of my fault; with what I know now, I could totally own that place. But at the time I resented how for some people it was so easy to have all these good things whereas I did not.

Similarly, now I should not worry about other people too much. In college a lot of people are just easy going and have lots of fun. I'm not really like that. There are long tracks of time where I'm not so happy punctuated by some really good times. Just because things don't come so easily for me compared to some others doesn't matter in the slightest. Not only is it ridiculous for me to overlook at that I do have, I should not overlook how I have the power to change my circumstances. Even if it is difficult for me I should just worry about me. The only person I'm "competing" with is myself. 

This was sort of a long rant that I'm not sure really captures how I feel. Basically I have to not be concerned with how my life is compared to others. If I want to worry about something it should be making things better and being happy. Yeah.

Stop And Go Syndrome

most of the time my mind is in a kind of stasis

every once in a while its on - and when its on - it is on!

i get into a state that's kind of between tripping and working hard... heh - if that makes any sense

i just start getting ideas. a lot of times they are good ideas too. my mind starts speeding up. they start coming very quickly. i dont even have time to write things down before i'm on to something else. i would like to start pursuing these ideas instead of letting them disappear as fast as they came. Thomas Edison was such a prolific inventor that he had whole teams of people to pursue his ideas. People who worked for him were only allowed to work on his ideas. Afterwards many became successfull inventors themselves. It is interesting that he was such a well-spring of useful ideas that he didn't have time to investigate them all by himself.

Perhaps I should become more like Edison? I don't know. I'm pretty mellow and don't have much capacity for hard work.

All right - This concludes numero posto

Hopefully this will be a good way to capture, explore and share some of my fleeting thoughts...